It's about 5am and I just finished up feeding my 8 month old and he's back in his bed. Hubby is quietly snoring away in our bedroom and yet I can't sleep that easily. Why? Let's see, being forced to be a single parent for about five years on a part time job and needing a final math class for the BA degree is enough to make anyone stressed out. It doesn't help that when he's in jail, he's also missing out on a lot of our son's first moments and when he gets out, who knows what the government will tell him he can and can't do.
Before you decide to make judgements about John*, think about the story of what Jesus did for the woman that was branded for having an affair. "For whomever is without sin, may cast the first stone." We have all made mistakes so why should we be branded for our mistakes? The answer is pretty simple. People fear what they don't understand and try to find a way to get rid of this threat. That is the reason that we have the 1,000 foot rule in OH for schools, daycare and anyplace kids congregate. Our politicions believe that this will stop sex offenders from preying on kids but there is a lot of factors that are not taken into account. Many people don't realize that not everyone charged with a sex offense has "touched" a kid. Even those that have, it was with their minor boyfriend/girlfriend. They also put victims on the registry as well. How so? Take my husband for example.
John* grew up in a household where his sister use to play with him when he had bad dreams around the age of 5. This continued even though it was reported to his parents. Sadly, his father beat him for telling stories and he never spoke up again. The abuse continued with penetration from his cousin while he was in his teens. John* became hooked on sex and was taught that it was the only way to get a girl as well as his mothers side of the family liked to have family orgies. Does this sound like a sex offender to you? Maybe, maybe not. The point of this before going about accusing someone of being a child molester, take into consideration that there very well could have been abuse to them prior as a victim. John was charged with possession and distribution of CP. The distribution charge came only because he used a peer to peer file sharing program. He never shared it. The computer did. But, people will think what they want to think and continue to brandish their swords towards the undesirables. Thankfully, he will serve his time close to home and my son can visit daddy on the weekends. It's just unfortunate that we may never be able to do things as a family because of the stupid laws that John* will be forced to follow. He may never be able to take his son to the park or see a game that his son is in, or even take him to an amusement park. It will be heartbreaking enough to have to tell him that daddy can go back to jail if he breaks any of these laws even if it means spending time with him.
There's a lot that I'm scared about. I won't deny that. There are nights that I cry because I think the world hates us and will do everything to get rid of us. I haven't been as successful as I had hoped and it hurts that I may never find a career and stuck is a job that doesn't pay their employees enough for the work that they put out. I made a promise that I will hold this family together but sometimes I just want to give up because at the end of the day, I can't help but to ask myself was it worth it? I look at our wedding photo and my son and at least it makes me want to try again tomorrow.
In one week, John* will self surrender and I'll be alone again in this but with a kid. I've been homeless and penniless. I know what it's like. I'm a survivor but having a kid is a whole different story. I'm not sure if I can do this but I have to for the sake of holding my family together.
