Wife of a sex offender

It's about 5am and I just finished up feeding my 8 month old and he's back in his bed. Hubby is quietly snoring away in our bedroom and yet I can't sleep that easily. Why? Let's see, being forced to be a single parent for about five years on a part time job and needing a final math class for the BA degree is enough to make anyone stressed out. It doesn't help that when he's in jail, he's also missing out on a lot of our son's first moments and when he gets out, who knows what the government will tell him he can and can't do.
   Before you decide to make judgements about John*, think about the story of what Jesus did for the woman that was branded for having an affair. "For whomever is without sin, may cast the first stone." We have all made mistakes so why should we be branded for our mistakes? The answer is pretty simple. People fear what they don't understand and try to find a way to get rid of this threat. That is the reason that we have the 1,000 foot rule in OH for schools, daycare and anyplace kids congregate. Our politicions believe that this will stop sex offenders from preying on kids but there is a lot of factors that are not taken into account. Many people don't realize that not everyone charged with a sex offense has "touched" a kid. Even those that have, it was with their minor boyfriend/girlfriend. They also put victims on the registry as well. How so? Take my husband for example.
John* grew up in a household where his sister use to play with him when he had bad dreams around the age of 5. This continued even though it was reported to his parents. Sadly, his father beat him for telling stories and he never spoke up again. The abuse continued with penetration from his cousin while he was in his teens. John* became hooked on sex and was taught that it was the only way to get a girl as well as his mothers side of the family liked to have family orgies. Does this sound like a sex offender to you? Maybe, maybe not. The point of this before going about accusing someone of being a child molester, take into consideration that there very well could have been abuse to them prior as a victim. John was charged with possession and distribution of CP. The distribution charge came only because he used a peer to peer file sharing program. He never shared it. The computer did. But, people will think what they want to think and continue to brandish their swords towards the undesirables. Thankfully, he will serve his time close to home and my son can visit daddy on the weekends. It's just unfortunate that we may never be able to do things as a family because of the stupid laws that John* will be forced to follow. He may never be able to take his son to the park or see a game that his son is in, or even take him to an amusement park. It will be heartbreaking enough to have to tell him that daddy can go back to jail if he breaks any of these laws even if it means spending time with him.
There's a lot that I'm scared about. I won't deny that. There are nights that I cry because I think the world hates us and will do everything to get rid of us. I haven't been as successful as I had hoped and it hurts that I may never find a career and stuck is a job that doesn't pay their employees enough for the work that they put out. I made a promise that I will hold this family together but sometimes I just want to give up because at the end of the day, I can't help but to ask myself was it worth it? I look at our wedding photo and my son and at least it makes me want to try again tomorrow. 
In one week, John* will self surrender and I'll be alone again in this but with a kid. I've been homeless and penniless. I know what it's like. I'm a survivor but having a kid is a whole different story. I'm not sure if I can do this but I have to for the sake of holding my family together.

rough night

Second post for tonight. As I'm writing this, Toby's* in his crib and John's* at the foot of the bed snoring away doped up on NyQuil for the bad cold he's got. He's snoring away like a chainsaw. While I hate when he snores cause I can't sleep, it's also something that I will miss about him when he self surrenders in June. Don't know when or where just yet but hopefully it's close to home so I can take Toby to visit Daddy. Had a bit of a rough day since I had some co-workers tell me that things can change in 6 years when I told them we wanted to plan our wedding for when he gets out. It didn't help my worries for the future and ended up having a bad panic attack. Thoughts of John not loving me anymore and growing distant threw me overboard. Finally talk to a close co-coworker that knows John and myself and helped me calm down a little. He helped me realize that nothing was going to break our bond from what he could see. Maybe it's just me but is it really true that when the going gets tough in a marriage, people bale out? That's not what marriage is about and people seem to not understand the true meaning behind it.
..........I swear! I should smother my husband. It's louder than ever but then again, I know he's been sick. That's all for tonight since I have finals in two weeks, work at 3pm tomorrow and try to graduate  in May.

Final sentencing.

What a hard three years. Not really sure if Husband's sentence is a relief or more fuel to the flames of hatred towards the government. Let me backtrack a little bit, I am as you would say, a prison wife. I have no regrets for marrying my husband. I am one of the few people that believes that we all make mistakes and thus, we should pay our debts and be able to forward in the future. But, sometimes, we as a country are against those in prison and think their the scum of the earth.
Because I'm hurting, I want to share our families ordeals for the next 15-16 years that we will endure the government's punishment. Let me introduce ourselves a little bit. I will use other names in place of my husband and my 7 month old son. I will call my husband John* and my son, Toby* I met John at my job. We hitted off pretty well. We originally just hung out as friends even though he asked me countless times to date. I just wasn't ready to get back into a relationship at the second.  Flash forward to 2014 and here we are in Oct 31st, married on paper because he's on an ankle monitor and forced to follow all rules and stipulations his PO tells him to. We would have loved to be married in the Catholic Church but that's something we will just have to wait for. January 2015, we found out we would be expecting our first child. We were both scared because at the time, we had no idea what would happen in John's court case. When Toby was born, a month afterwards, we found out the government wanted him to serve 10-15years in jail. We were both devastated. But, with letters from friends, family and co-workers, the federal judge looked at my  husband as a human being who made a mistake. His ruling came down to 6 years of jail time and 10years of supervised release. I will say that I'm beyond grateful that the Judge is allowing him to stay out until June so that he can see me graduate with my BA. It's just going to be hard because of how much I will miss him and nights where I just really need to talk but no one to talk to. Thus, as a writer, I'm resorting back to what I know best. Write about I know and live through. Maybe in the future, I will explain his charges but for now, my small family's safety is a huge concern. I will not jeopardize my family's safety. We have already had threats made to my husband and our son. I will not allow any more. I have had my hand forced by some family members because they can't keep their thoughts and views to themselves. I won't tolerate that in front my son. Especially since it's his daddy their talking down about.