rough night

Second post for tonight. As I'm writing this, Toby's* in his crib and John's* at the foot of the bed snoring away doped up on NyQuil for the bad cold he's got. He's snoring away like a chainsaw. While I hate when he snores cause I can't sleep, it's also something that I will miss about him when he self surrenders in June. Don't know when or where just yet but hopefully it's close to home so I can take Toby to visit Daddy. Had a bit of a rough day since I had some co-workers tell me that things can change in 6 years when I told them we wanted to plan our wedding for when he gets out. It didn't help my worries for the future and ended up having a bad panic attack. Thoughts of John not loving me anymore and growing distant threw me overboard. Finally talk to a close co-coworker that knows John and myself and helped me calm down a little. He helped me realize that nothing was going to break our bond from what he could see. Maybe it's just me but is it really true that when the going gets tough in a marriage, people bale out? That's not what marriage is about and people seem to not understand the true meaning behind it.
..........I swear! I should smother my husband. It's louder than ever but then again, I know he's been sick. That's all for tonight since I have finals in two weeks, work at 3pm tomorrow and try to graduate  in May.

Final sentencing.

What a hard three years. Not really sure if Husband's sentence is a relief or more fuel to the flames of hatred towards the government. Let me backtrack a little bit, I am as you would say, a prison wife. I have no regrets for marrying my husband. I am one of the few people that believes that we all make mistakes and thus, we should pay our debts and be able to forward in the future. But, sometimes, we as a country are against those in prison and think their the scum of the earth.
Because I'm hurting, I want to share our families ordeals for the next 15-16 years that we will endure the government's punishment. Let me introduce ourselves a little bit. I will use other names in place of my husband and my 7 month old son. I will call my husband John* and my son, Toby* I met John at my job. We hitted off pretty well. We originally just hung out as friends even though he asked me countless times to date. I just wasn't ready to get back into a relationship at the second.  Flash forward to 2014 and here we are in Oct 31st, married on paper because he's on an ankle monitor and forced to follow all rules and stipulations his PO tells him to. We would have loved to be married in the Catholic Church but that's something we will just have to wait for. January 2015, we found out we would be expecting our first child. We were both scared because at the time, we had no idea what would happen in John's court case. When Toby was born, a month afterwards, we found out the government wanted him to serve 10-15years in jail. We were both devastated. But, with letters from friends, family and co-workers, the federal judge looked at my  husband as a human being who made a mistake. His ruling came down to 6 years of jail time and 10years of supervised release. I will say that I'm beyond grateful that the Judge is allowing him to stay out until June so that he can see me graduate with my BA. It's just going to be hard because of how much I will miss him and nights where I just really need to talk but no one to talk to. Thus, as a writer, I'm resorting back to what I know best. Write about I know and live through. Maybe in the future, I will explain his charges but for now, my small family's safety is a huge concern. I will not jeopardize my family's safety. We have already had threats made to my husband and our son. I will not allow any more. I have had my hand forced by some family members because they can't keep their thoughts and views to themselves. I won't tolerate that in front my son. Especially since it's his daddy their talking down about.